I collect mentors and I collect dresses. In fact, I have different mentors for different occasions in my life and career—mentors who help me sort out thorny political strategy, mentors who help me think through people management challenges, mentors who give me tough love and courage, mentors who give me balance. I am evangelical about the power of mentorship. I often play mentor-matchmaker with my employees, hoping to match them with a mentor who might just fit . Why do I believe so strongly in mentorship? Because we can’t go at it alone (at least not for the long haul). Because no one person (boss, spouse, parent, teacher, etc.) can be the vessel that holds all your questions and needs. And mostly because we have so much to learn from each other.
This is why I want to share the beauty of mentorship with you all in my Good Influence blog, where I will be interviewing leaders who are good influences and mentors for our sector and community. For my first blog post, I interviewed two leaders who give me courage: Mónica Garcia who is redefining what it means to be an elected school board member and Aurea Montes-Rodriguez who is an organizer, advocate, fundraiser, and builder of people power at Community Coalition in South Los Angeles. We met for breakfast and to talk about the people and stories that shaped our identity as women, daughters, mothers, and leaders. Here is what I heard and learned from these comadres:
Q: We often hear about how leaders triumph despite the adversity of being from a marginalized or oppressed background, but there is also great power in the margins. In what ways does being a woman of color make you the perfect person to do your mighty jobs?
Mónica: Women of color have always just had to do. We don’t expect it to be easy, but we also don’t have the luxury to sit around and feel sorry for ourselves. My mother gave me the gift of optimism. I am the hopes and dreams of my mother so I know progress is possible.
Aurea: I remember when the world felt really big and our family felt really small. When my father died, my mother left her country and family to come to the U.S. and learn how to operate a sewing machine. She had to be courageous, to provide for our family. Whenever I am uncertain, I think: if she can do it, I can do it. Being her daughter gives me courage.
Q: What are the stories or phrases you heard as a little girl that made you feel strong, unstoppable and probably helped propel you to where you are today?
Aurea: I come from a very traditional family—my mother is from a rural part of Mexico and my father died when I was very young. I remember my mother always telling me that I reminded her of my father. He was our strong provider and a real leader for our community. She would tell me: You speak like your father. Comparing me to my father broke down gender barriers for me.
Mónica: My father’s tough love didn’t always make sense, but it was balanced by my mom’s selflessness and optimism. Now, as an adult, I realize that when there was a fight between super mom and super wife, super mom always won. My mom put her children first. So when I think about putting children first as a leader, I am walking in the legacy of my mother.
Q: What are the stories or phrases you heard that shackled or stifled you?
Aurea: Sometimes I would meet undergrad professors at UCLA and they would tell me: You made it out of South Central—good for you! I never understood this because I was so proud to be from South Central. I didn’t realize that we were poor or segregated or denied access to academic resources. When I discovered the world of privilege, I realized I didn’t have that privilege growing up. Suddenly, I felt like I was being put to the test…only I wasn’t sure I could be as courageous as my mom. I still wrestle with that thinking sometimes.
Mónica: I think about sacrifice, what my parents sacrificed for me and I think about my career of service. It has been a great privilege to serve, but it also means that I can’t provide for my parents in the way I would like to because I didn’t prioritize making money in my career. I don’t regret my choices, but the stories that sometimes shackle me have to do with not being able to balance serving my community and financially providing for my parents.
What stories or phrases do you want to tell girls today?
Aurea: I talk to my daughter about her, I don’t tell her stories about me. She wants to join the circus, she fell in love with aerial arts, she’s literally flying. I didn’t learn to ride a bike until my honeymoon (I was raised following traditional gender roles), but my daughter is a green belt, she competes, she bikes and bakes, she sews, she is fighting and flying.
Mónica: It’s definitely about our girls living their dreams, writing their own story. I want my niece to feel empowered, and to know she is loved.
Q: In what ways is the younger generation of women and girls mentoring you?
Aurea: They are giving me a real sense of empowerment. They are teaching us to put ourselves first, to honor our own wants and needs.
Mónica: I see my niece redefining what it means to be a daughter. She has two moms so she didn’t have a dad to bring to donuts with dad day at her school. She suggested that instead her school should have a day where we can have lollipops for loved ones! The younger generation shows me how fast change can happen.
Thank you to my comadres, Aurea and Mónica, for chatting with me about sisterhood and leadership. I left our conversation reminded that the end-goal of our organizing and mothering is not to resist or fight oppression. The ultimate goal is liberation, compassion, creating a reality where our women and children can know and express their fullest selves.
Learn more about Monica Garcia and her campaign for city council.
Learn more about Aurea and her work with families and youth in South Los Angeles.
Learn more about Ama and her work at Good Influence Consulting